The suicide

As the sun bled upon my face I knew I was alone,

blood scorched by resentment and pain.

Tasting lies through the mind of wickedness,

becoming who I was meant to be.

Alone in the light as shadows pass me by,

asking my name as they laugh and I cry.

Has everything come down to this now I ask,

while my life slips farther away.

I have cum with you and on you,

made love to you after we’d fuck.

Now that I sit here in solitude I wonder,

was I ever truly good enough for you.

No hopes left to ask for I let it go,

as my arm cries your name with my heart.

Broken and dying from wounds I have caused,

to end up what I see in my mirror.

There once was a light yet so blinding,

darkened by my eyes was your fate.

Watch me now as I pull the gun out,

and say goodbye to this world.









Johnny Love

Insatiable you

As we drove around in the air touching so softly,

we came together in what little light I could see on your eyes.

Such a beautiful smile in the very heart I want,

as to touch is to feel, to love is you.

There is a way you say my name in the night,

umbrellas in the rainless skies so lovely,

hinting passion behind the row of flowers created by your hand.

We’d drive around for hours while I tasted your skin,

licking your thighs, tasting your thighs.

How am I supposed to control myself this way,

when everything you do reflects what my words say.

The subtle light before your skin on my kiss,

sliding into you so hard and visible your desire.

Kill my insatiable need for more,

with the only kiss I have left inside.









Johnny Newell

Eyes of behind

I am at a point to where even my truths become their lies,

as I sit here to wait for what never was meant to be.

I cry at the loss of who I could have been,

trying so hard to see her face.

She sings to me songs that are country,

whispers the rain blessed by snow.

Holds my heart in her desire,

but truthfully doesn’t think I know.

I carry her picture around inside,

where only I can see its true light.

Destined to understand dishonor,

I am found by love in her eyes.









Johnny Newell

Sunken painful nights

There a pain inside my heart screaming death,

for that would more than this hell I know no.

Sleepless dreams too lucid to explain,

feel as though my word is crashing down,

I am a mother before anything,

yet the loneliness kill me under my tears.

Nobody can even squeeze the surface in which I live.

I give up time and again to just breathe here alone,

while I just ask for who wants the next pour,

crying another mans beer just to hard to fight away.

Falling to my knees as nobody can see,

just a painful day in the life of a bartender…..









Johnny Newell

Reflection man

Am I truly who I see in the mirror,

or am I the image he sees looking back?

Always living in the past I see clearly,

or looking to the future unable to see.

How am I ever to stop and smell the roses,

if I am so lost in the memories.

How can I let go of what I was,

if I never take a look at who I am.

I see images of ghosts in windows as I walk,

sadness hits me hard as I wonder about life.

Maybe I am the ghost walking these streets,

trying to get a grasp on what I am inside.

I have taken for granted what it is about living,

how beautiful things are to my eyes as I cry.

No sorrow enough to erase what I have done,

no grave able to hold me close as I rest.

Reflection hits me as the waters stop flowing,

destined to be I am able to stand.

Taking in all of the hurt I have caused,

only to cry in solitude weeping in my hands.

So much to live for now that I am dead,

feelings of tomorrow halting my yesterday.

I just want to see the mirror of my love,

where I mattered somehow before I understood.

Taking the hand of the lonely now at peace,

reflection beset upon the hearts of the few.

Holding up my head in my shame,

image of who I can be haunting lights.

I stop for a moment to look at right now,

all tears are gone, life is beautiful.

Letting go of what I may have been,

to see this reflection of love in my heart.

In my eyes there is much more to be revealed,

showing the truth of what passion is to me now.

As I walk down to be up in the light,

my mirror reflects my love, my hope, my life.

Johnny Newell

Life within love and death

You have sang to me your pain,

I only wish I could soothe,

as light becomes my eyes,

you will see the darkness within me.



I love the voice as you cry,

tears of desire for me,

kiss me tonight under love,

while facing the end in me,

I am yours.



Now that I live I am dying,

nothing but you to feed my need,

kissed by death life becoming,

what am I now in the light,

if I am without you.



You speak my heart,

you know my name,

you see my eyes,

in my lies I am dead,

in you I am alive.







Johnny Newell

Tasting enticement

Taste my kiss of desire,

feel my longing for more.

See in my hands your pleasure,

I will never let you down.

Looking into you I know this,

all that I crave is your wine.

Now in my arms I am taken,

by the dreams that once were forbidden.

Your breasts on my lips,

your hands on my heart.

Your lust craving for me,

as all else fades away.

I see you,

I want you,

I more than need you.

Why cannot you see who I am?

I wait here in darkness bleeding shadows,

to taste the kiss of your soul.





Johnny Newell

My arms of love

I wait here in the rain for you,

do you know my name anymore?

I seek to please your desires,

am I anything more to your heart?

I bleed to write your name on my eyes,

is there anything more I can do?

To show you that my love is your life,

if only you could still see my face.



Desperately seeking loneliness,

huddled in shadows reigning life.

Your heart breaks before me,

but not by my hand.

Now that I sit here in darkness,

you ignore my like I am the plague.

Time will come for you to remember,

question is, do you even care?



Blades of metal break my skin,

blood rushes out proving pain.

No tears left to cry I am empty,

yet still you smile and don’t care.

What have I done to receive this,

what is this reason for solitude?

I cry you heart bleeding roses,

to face my arms where love walked away.









Johnny Newell

Heart in her eyes

On the pillow next to her head,

rests a flower he’d given,

dipped in love so she’d know,

softly her dreams become life.



Clear night without reason,

rain pours onto his eyes,

as all that he was becomes,

a fairytale made in her eyes.



Knock on her door so late,

startled she stumbles to answer,

as she falls to the ground,

her heart is broken by fate.



So close to home yet for reasons,

clearly unseen blinding hope,

where his eyes became,

that which he could not see.



Hand on the doorknob she cries,

hoping that this was all a bad dream,

but as she identified his body,

she could only know him by his heart.







Johnny Newell

Secret lies

Rain covers the eyes of my heart now opened,

by the softest touch felt inside I cannot breathe.

Nothing here to take away what I have for you,

warm embrace covered by this storm.

I have a secret that I have been keeping,

one that would destroy who I am.

When I look to the stars it is you I see,

like a river of light coming home.

The is always this scent I am needing,

of your tongue pressed on my neck.

All the things I lie about today,

are the deepest secrets I can keep.

The way the water glistens from your flesh,

makes me scream so silently your name.

I wait for you to see who I am,

but in your presence I don’t know how to speak.

I feel the winds carrying your aroma,

tempting me with desires so true.

I can almost feel your hands on my body,

as your lips meet mine in the night.

The secret I have is that I love you,

in my eyes you are all that I see.

Love made from dreams reality cries,

here is my secret, that is not a lie.









Johnny Newell

Contemplation lust

Sunlight so bright my eyes blinded within,

within my heart where fools fall I wait,

wait for the air to paint my soul inside,

inside where only devils know my name.



In the arms of love I rest,

hands on my neck, head on my chest.

Breathing with me as night steals the day,

dreaming ecstasy reaching into what our love can say.



I am nothing now,

just lost in what we once were,

everything in love.



I can hear the heartbeat of vampires,

tasting my blood cried out for truth.

Sinking teeth into my veins I desire,

nothing more to want, nothing left to prove.



Kiss me as the moons shines her light,

fall away with me, find passion in my eyes.

Open your legs feel me thrust slowly inside,

face this lust as we play this love tonight.



Lips of honey flowing rivers touch.

Touch me with who you are for me.

Me beneath of you taking deep breaths.

Breaths of passion filling up our hearts again.



I will be waiting here,

expecting your sensuality.

Fearing the morning,

making this union our night.



Taste my rivers like raindrops of sin,

orgasmic light in what we were made for.

I am yours to embrace these shadows of pain,

torture me with your fingers up and down my spine.







Johnny Newell

In perfect love we stand

She sings in colors of purple light my smile,

as my heart quickens to face her touch.

In her hands is my heart asking for nothing,

making all that I ever desired complete.

She has a smile that melts my soul,

passion that craves my own.

Her eyes are just so beautiful,

perfection has a name.

Featherlike fingers brushing away my pain,

in the rain she is always my comfort.

Life has never been what I feel with her,

she rescues me from myself when I can’t stand.

All that is in her makes in me what I now believe,

for in her love is my life and a perfect life this is.







Johnny Newell

Love is an Angel in black

Appear before my eyes I asked,

as love became the Angel in my heart.

She rests in my arms as I sleep,

holding me without a hint of fear.

Before there was meaning, there was her,

dressed in black my nightmares recall.

Having a dream as our reality fell,

with all night we stand as one.

I still hear her whisper the love,

while my eyes close she visits me.

Taking away the need for desire,

as pleasure rests on her lips of night.

Kiss me deeply, teach me how to ravish you,

twist my arms to find what pain can be.

Desire my touch as our dreams come together,

as a waterfall of passion taste my lips.

Singing to me again to put me to sleep,

my Angel of Love fade with me to black.











Johnny Newell

Jaded lovers

So far away yet I feel you,

so close to me as I breathe.

The way you speak to me endlessly,

as waters come to an end.

Your name means more to me now,

when the shadows say I love you.

Light has a way with your eyes,

spreading across my heart.

Touching the very reasons we dance,

hours apart yet closer than before.

There is a softness in your smile,

captivating me in all that you are.

Tasting the wine on your kiss,

sent from a distance my love.

Jaded before ever knowing,

facing together the light we create.

Undone song of desires reaching out,

to be love, to find love, to know we are one.







Johnny Newell

Loved by her I plea

I have waited for just a sign,

a name to say by her light.

Found in water do I pray,

without words left to say.

To love as she did I please ask,

falling into what now is last.

Facing my demons do I cry,

as she walks away from my eyes.



I love you even if you can’t see,

in my heart there is only your name.

I wait for your soul to know,

how much I love you this day.

I am too afraid to shed these tears,

not knowing what you might think of me.



I have held you once and I see you name,

tattooed on my eyes your face.

Covered up as I bleed this night,

making the moon my way out.

I love you but you will not see,

how much you mean to me now.



What I am is more than lost,

as my tears fall to this night.

Now I speak as I cry,

to know what I was before.

But in my silence I know,

I was never anything to your heart, you lied….









Johnny Newell

Alone in love I die

Still recalling the way you’d speak my heart,

under all light where my darkness became whole.

Bleeding this deformed soul my tears speak,

as love becomes the very reason I want to die.

You looked at me once like I was something,

now not even a memory to your mind my pain.

I knew not what love was until you showed me,

how to grasp the feelings as life makes her way.

Heaven is closed to me, hell won’t take my calls,

just this image of destiny crying inside.

No amount of tears to wash away my lies,

bloody arms of life begging for death.

I am nothing to you, nothing to even say,

and as I slice my wrists I realize I’m not loved.











Johnny Newell

Forever in my nightmares

Your name means more to me than life,

remember when I was good enough to love?

The way you’d say my name,

how gentle your touch was to my soul.

I recall the talks we’d have in the night,

as subtle light became our way together.

Now I stand alone in fear of what’d I’d become,

without you in my arms waiting to die alone.

I seek nothing but the very scent on your breasts,

like jasmine reaching out into my heart.

The kisses you’d give me as I slept,

still haunt my dreams as I lay here.

How deep your touch would go when I was down,

lifting me back up to your eyes.

I miss you like I need the very breath in my pain,

to suffer without you is like needles in my arm.

Do you even remember my name?

Is there anyway you look to the same stars?

I love you, I need you, I want you more than you know,

but as I look upon these pictures, I know I lost you forever.







Johnny Newell

In a heart is forever

In love they stood together in all ways,
always becoming the meaning of life.
Under the night where love was made,
she would say to him that all was perfect.
There was a star named after her in his heart,
blessed by the very dreams he used to dream.
Water thickens in his hands tasting her lips,
kissed by the death he always wanted to know.
In her eyes the were shades of gray covering light,
trickled with blood as life became their way.
Her heart has more inside than anything h’s known,
merry meet under new moonlight where ghosts play.
She’d speak to him in ways only the devils could reveal,
a way with her tongue, a way with the very touch that is her.
His heart is now and always will be hers to hold,
under the water she controls, under his eyes.
She shines her love in her kiss so deep and futile to his life,
tempting everything he once thought was make-believe.
A tribute to love in her arms while he wakes up again,
knowing only how life was before he woke up in her arms.





Johnny Newell

Shadows on her grave

I waited for her there in the moonlight,

reaching into the very meaning of emptiness.

Eyes of blood crying tears of desire,

set aside for this moment to taste my end.

Nothingness façade of my heart denied,

breaking free of this need for her touch.

Sorrowful man of brokenness I stand,

unable to touch the sweetest kiss.

In the skies there is blood reaching out for me,

asked by death to understand what love truly is.

As I close my eyes to imagine what she smelled like,

I realize just how far I have fallen from her.

Her hear paints my sky with purple love so deep,

in waterfalls chased by dragons I know not who I am.

Night falling to the reason of life as she died,

no flowers on her grave just the man who loves her.

Singing to her the songs we used to dance to,

candlelight making my shadows appear by her name.







Johnny Newell

Hint of darkness my light

I have faded away into the nothing before light,

trying so immensely to grasp this way.

Shadows fall into my eyes as I cry,

no heaven to find when beside of myself.

Looking back into the forever I sought,

there is one touch that still knows my heart.

A love that surpasses the depth of my pain,

raining on love this desire fades away.

No amount of love to kiss as I die,

reaching for emptiness my loneliness calls.

Kill me again as waters end in black,

clouds of destiny making my eternity true.

Where are you my love, who am I to you?

Why are you silent in my cries I cy for you?

I seem to fade yet in your arms I am free,

to face who I am, to be what I am supposed to be.

Opened eyes of darkness seeing only the light die away,

as love becomes the hatred I now beg for in my dreams.

Nothing here with me, alone is all that I am,

to die, to love, to see, but not this night I pray.







Johnny Newell

Smile your kiss again

Tasting the darkness within your kiss,

as hell becomes my heaven to all things.

Your smile tells me to stop,

your moaning makes me go.

Forced by the depth of life in love,

where lust becomes the reason I suffer.

The look in your eyes tells me more,

licking your lips as I taste your breast.

Finding new light in the sheets we devise,

making sweet passion more than this love.

Feel in my heart the reason I fade into night,

face the demons with me, don’t let me go.

Sorrowful hint of despair making clear,

this need for who I am with your touch.

If I fall away will you fall with me?

If I die tonight will you hold my hand?

Seeking only to fear the time without you,

chasing dragons I beg you to kiss me again.







Johnny Newell

Become my sin

I have fallen away to feel you,

the way the sun touches your eyes.

Breathing hope to taste failure,

becoming my only demise.

All that is in me speaks your name,

finding the passion inside of pain.

I know your scent on my lips so pure,

falling down into a lifetime of rain.

As my heart breaks away from life I know,

only then am I able to breathe.

Sought out to face the end,

for what you have now in me.

I cannot cry without your whispers,

nothing but silence killing me again.

No love to find while apart,

nothing worthy to capture my sin.

Look into my eyes and feel who I am,

underneath of hell your heaven.

Kiss me tonight and know my heart,

is nothing without your arms to hold my own.







Johnny Newell

Passion of my heart your shadow

You have seen me touch myself in erotic pleasures,

as the light of love enticed the need for more.

I have licked your lips to taste heaven,

as hell became my reason for life.

Burning me apart when all else failed,

in arms of passion your need is mine.

Your scent echoes through my hallows,

hair flowing into my dreams.

Tasting forever in failure composed,

in songs I sing in your thighs we embrace.

Subtle breast calling me home,

into arms of pain my intimacy cries.

Solitude arms of desire I seek,

in hands of destiny I am able to let go.

Lick me again you speak in my ear,

as my tongue impresses even you.

Suck on me what you can fulfill,

when light in you becomes my hearts shadow.







Johnny Newell

Need for your pain

I cry because you will not speak my name,

I die when you ignore me today.

I whisper so I do not disturb you,

I wait for you tonight my love.

You know your name is my solace,

you see I am still your own.

The very way you control me,

is why I am now so alone.

Why must this be the way it is,

who are you if not my love?

I love you before I am living,

I need you like I need the air.

Waiting I do to hear your voice,

again as the night steals the day.

My hands are ready to take you,

my heart is willing to die.







Johnny Newell

Rising heart of fall

I have tried to be the forever in your heart,

washed away by the very water that holds me.

Flowing sadly into fruition my soul divides,

awaiting for just a sign that you’re still here.

Chest opened up to reveal the darkness within,

reminded by the sunlight how far I have fallen.

Subtle words from lips of honey I devise,

reaching into your arms to live life as one.

I see the shades of shadows cold as ice before me,

taking my heart from light to be the evil inside.

Your hands have held me closer than my own,

comforting the pain that always leads me away.

In love or out of love I stand before you now,

hoping that in my devilry you still find me beautiful.

Hears in hands and hands on hearts we come together,

placed beneath of the waves, controlled by this water’s lover.

Eyes of night convey to me reasons for my fall,

explanations to why I ever needed to dance alone.

Singing songs of passion’s flame my eyes are open to you,

as in my light your love becomes the need I rise again.







Johnny Newell

Love is a deathly waterfall

What am I supposed to feel?

Who am I without your touch?

There isn’t a light for me to see,

if your moonlight is hiding from me.

In your arms I knew I was home,

now I am lost without a way back.

Trusting fool this Pisces remains,

alone in a world without love.

Flowers have no beauty to my eyes,

black roses with thorns of hellish fire.

Trying so hard to understand why,

why you’d leave me broken again.

What was I ever to you but a vapor?

Di you ever truly love me for me?

Seeing your eyes roll back inside of your dreams,

unleashing the nightmares I always despised.

I gave you my heart and you killed it,

showed you my love and you walked away.

Nothing left to find in this hour,

I sleep alone in waterfalls of death.





Johnny Newell

Forgotten man of love

I don’t know why I cry,

for you already walked away.

I don’t see why I stand alone,

when you already made this clear.

I don’t understand what I have done,

but your mind is made up.

I don’t want you to forget me,

yet in your silence my heart is dead.

Your words to me about love speak clearly,

but something inside of me cries.

The way you’d say my name,

gives me dreams to believe in.

How softly you would hold me,

paints the memories I wish to forget.

You would never remember my name,

a in you I am nothing now.

You would always say my name,

but now I am forgotten inside.

Reach for me again I beg of you,

but nothing do I feel but pain.

Seek me in this night I ask,

for only sorrowful tears do I cry.

What have I done to earn this,

I ask only to save my tears.

Now that I feel alone in your sight,

my eyes ask only to be remembered.





Johnny Newell

Nicole

Behind your smiles are the tears I wish to consume,

spoken within each single moment your heart.

Eyes of a Goddess your temptation calls me,

showing me deeper moments alive in song.

Taken from the heavens your body controls,

holding in me a reason to believe in love.

Such a fragile soul mingling desire’s need,

I want you in ways I dare not write in this.

Your kiss haunts me, your touch burns me apart,

knowing nothing but how I am in love with you.

Show me a feeling and I will paint for you the words,

kneeling down in awe I am lost deep within your eyes.

Say no words to me that I cannot repeat back in love,

remember my name Nicole for I am yours tonight.







Johnny Newell

Our night sings

She waits for me by the moonlit sky,

passion flows from her lips.

Tasting her kiss of light,

takes me to a world I desire.

Soft winds carry her scent to me,

arousing the need for more.

I call for her to take me inside,

softly penetrating her with love.

On my mind and in my heart,

her face echoes through my soul.

Thrust after thrust my body falls,

deeper inside with songs of the night.

Held down by desire my fiery eyes let go,

nails in my back, tongue on my neck.

She sings to me without words,

played with this music we create.

Never going back to what I was before,

in her arms my life has new meaning.

Naked flesh upon naked skin divine,

killing the need for what I have in her.

Clouds of pleasure fall as we come together,

making this night more beautiful than before.







Johnny Newell

Heaven in her eyes

Like a child breathing air for the first time,

she wears her smile for the world to see.

Eyes of passionate embrace touching light,

making a way for the love she finds in heaven.

Softly her heart beats to sounds of perfection,

hinted in meaning her subtlety becomes.

I see the childlike essence in her eyes,

angels of light and love coming into view.

Such a gentle heart she bares to the world,

showing who she is deep inside of life.

Something in her hands resembling my heart,

cradled by her soft love of heaven and flames.

Burning my reasons away as I stare into her,

showing what I am now in her presence.

Flowers bloom into the light she creates,

such is love, such is life, such a heaven in her eyes.









Johnny Newell

Falling winter skies

Touched by the falling of light breathing stars,

molding life to find its doom.

Faced in the hours of darkness,

seeking to find what’s already there.

Slowly her body caresses the water,

unscathed by her own need for love.

Soaking inside her light carries on,

for all life is dead in her pools of hope.

Black hair draped in eyes as strong as night,

she sees nothing but the end of her fall.

Leaves of autumn dance around her heart,

making room for the next song to play.









Johnny Newell

Untamed heart

Unlike most I was created incomplete,

darkness in the place of my heart.

Never able to feel as my life became,

always in the way, always evil within.

My journey had taken me to hell,

no life worthy of calling life at all.

Trudging through grief my world had fallen,

mistaken for love my eyes were only blind.

Tears were not something I could show,

blood flowed down my face as the rain began.

I was nothing before but this hole left alone,

sorrowful image in the mirror crying black.

I had searched this world for the beauty,

yet in all that was in me was corrupted by pain.

Seeing only the shadows of what love might be,

my soul became weak as life moved around.

Alone in this night one’s touch reached inside,

making me find what I was always looking for.

With a twist of light permeated by regret,

her hands took ahold of who I was.

Completing in me the reason for life,

a love she’d given me even though I didn’t deserve it.

I see her face in the flowers all around me,

no painful moments except when we are apart.

Stars shine brightly my eyes giving way,

to fill me up inside with something I don’t understand.

She kisses me deeply her lips breaking life,

showing who I truly am in the mirror my heart.

Loveless soul broken without a need in the world,

now just her love, for this boy from that girl.







Johnny Newell

Light in my eyes

There is a light on in my heart for you,

pulling at the distance of life and love.

Becoming is this reverence and pain,

taking away the scent of fear left behind.

Walk away from the taste of yesterday,

stand in the light of this love today.

Hoping to face what is beyond your eyes,

with a look of desire cuddled in warmth.

Knowing your touch bringing me in,

asking for night to stay another minute.

Expecting the fall as your heartbeat slows,

feeling your love without a moment to lose.

Flickering candle of passion your soul,

crying on the wings of beauty my tears.

I hear each breath you make as you sleep,

protecting the only heart I can feel.

Make me the reason you’d never want to fall,

take the light out of my eyes, I’d give it to you.







Johnny Newell

Heart of night

Something in your smile still gets to me,

even though I only see you from afar.

The scent you left on my heart I crave,

with each secret kiss you sneak.

The way the light hits your eyes in the night,

or how the wind gently arouses your hair.

So many moments I see in your touch,

so much to love even still.

In your kiss so sweet my heart fades,

beating to dreams as reality calls.

Hiding beneath of the water tonight,

expecting for your silhouette to cross me.

I love you in the moonlight,

I need you as the sun shines our way.

I want you as worlds collide,

I desire you when all else is gone.

Your face is my angel of fire,

so soft are your lips my wine.

Your love is more than forever,

mine was painted in the stars for you.

Break me apart from these treasures,

seek me tonight where we’d play.

In the night where our nakedness awakens,

my heart will always hold your name.







Johnny Newell