Issues

Sometimes I have no idea what to say or how to act,

in my heart I find I want to express my feelings out loud,

but sometimes I just want to hide my eyes from the world.

Notwithstanding my twisted mind enthralled by beauty,

of a feeling I had in my hands only yesterday,

now the rain mixes into the snow that burns me.

I have fallen away into the darkest dreams to face love,

unable to stand I let go of falling all together.

Seeing the window before me causing pane,

closed tight to prove to me I was wrong.

My love means nothing to anyone,

my soul is crying for this nightmare to begin.

I watch my hands let go of all that used to care,

slicing my heart with the silence left in my ears.

I know nothing of what I used to believe in,

how smart I was, well an ass at least.

Finding only how to fade away into myself,

where nobody can see me blessed they have become.

I hurt too in ways I never asked for,

how easy one can walk away from me.

I am lost inside of the map left to me by fate,

leading down to despair, burning my soul for love.

Is it okay for me to cry when feeling so alone?

Why do people say they love me yet hate me when I hurt?

I feel like I was never even a hint of anything to anyone,

darkness my friend, she never judges my ways.

Laying around the flames of ice breaking reality,

where I too am allowed to cry sometimes.

My head rests on a pillow of black bleeding thoughts impure,

wanting to end myself, wishing I wasn’t alone.

What did I do I ask myself before I push the plunger down,

in a flash I am ready, registering never the issue.

Johnny Newell