Suicide by Love

My name is more to me now than an hour ago.

I decided to do something I can’t undo.

In my life there has always been pain,

pain too great to walk away from or forget.

I wonder if when I close my eyes I won’t wake up,

pills have been my enemy, but tonight they are my friend.

Explaining the feelings I taste as my tongue swells,

making me sick inside but somehow I leave it down.

I hear voices screeching in my soul lost already,

a loveless heart mistaken in ways unforgettable .

To have walked this world alone in ways trivial,

I have tasted love’s sweet lips like most never will.

Living in a time where nothing really matters,

has given me my reasons to why I chose suicide.

I loved before ever understanding its meaning,

I have drowned in the waters of beauty so ugly.

There have been restless nights causing me to sleep,

so much regret in things I have not even done.

I lay here alone in a dark room well lit by flames,

my heart is broken by the wholeness that I feel.

In a passionate kiss I have never known before,

I taste the poison that has taken from me my life.

Suicide by love is what I will call it,

how the very absence that I feel is killing me now.

Touched by the untouched forsaken to be free,

locked away behind doors that aren’t even there.

Bleeding out my love without a scar to prove my cries,

no lies unspoken by lips closed in my soul.

I love you love more than hatred has hated me,

in all the things I long for you are my true passion.

Tasting death before my time proving life and fate are wrong,

knowing nothing but what I feel by the love she gave away.

I see only when my eyes are closed too tight to comprehend,

all else dies away so who am I to hide?

As I sit here in my empty house wondering if I will be missed,

the shadows start to fade away into my eyes, my soul, my suicide.















Johnny Newell